Wisconsin Dells Trip

June 7, 2008

Wednesday was our anniversary.  We had just returned from a camping trip up north, and after a few days of being off work and around each other 24 hours a day, we were ready to kill each other.  After a day of griping back and forth and a nap Amber mentioned the possibility of a trip to Wisconsin Dells.  She told me to find directions but I said “Fuck that, I can read a map” so without any further planning, I threw our shit into an old busted up laundry basket and a plastic grocery bag, threw a buncha PBR and Hamms into a box, and out the door we went.

As usual, I planned our route on state and county highways, none of that interstate shit, interstate all looks the same and you don’t get any local flavor or sight seeing.  I really wanted some fried chicken, so we found a gas station between Sheboygan and Fondulac with a hot case and got some chicken and broasted potatoes.

It was really foggy out when we got there finally, and about 10pm.  We drove through town and found a gas station with some tourist guides, grabbed a table and started making some calls.  I tried the cheapest places first and they were all no smoking, but “its not a far walk outside”.  The Dells HATE weed!  whatever.

Amber decided we had to get a place with a hot tub whirlpool in the room, I thought she was crazy but being mid week we found a place eventually running a half price schedule, and booked a mermaid themed suite for two nights.

The first thing I noticed after we checked in was the door wouldn’t latch shut.  For the rest of the trip I would warn Amber every time we approached our room to be prepared to fight off possible intruders.  Then I would kick the door open action movie style and ward off all potential invaders.  Considering our lack of valuables I also made many stupid jokes about how the thieves could be stealing my Pabst or our open bag of chips from our camping trip earlier in the week.

By eleven we had already fucked in the hot tub and were getting hungry.  I called the advertised Pizza Pub, but they, and every other pizza place in town were closed!  Even fucking Domino’s was closed.  We threw some clothes on and hit the town in search of some grub.

A promising location seemed to be Mark’s Bar and Grill, which offered a Polish American Buffet every day, until we got inside and saw they weren’t serving food today, it was Latino Night (local party night for workers), they weren’t very welcoming and we took off.

By now I was starving, and NOTHING was open.  I said “Fuck it, lets go to Wendy’s” and right as we drove up they shut the damn lights off.  Eventually we ended up at a Denny’s, I had the Super Bird and Amber had Moons Over my Hammy.  It was really good.

Headed back to the hotel, The Atlantis, and got fucking wasted in the hot tub watching satellite TV.  Good times.  Fake stars above the whirlpool and bed.  Mermaid paintings on the wall.  Microwave and Fridge.  Nice shit.

Slept terrible that night, woke up hung over as hell the next morning, jumped in the shower and then it was out for a day of excitement.  Our first stop was Pizza Pub for their buffet.

I was happy to see a Ms. Pac Man machine upon arrival, unfortunately it was one of the reissue versions and the game wasn’t accurate.  Why the Fuck can’t Namco do an authentic emulation of their own damn ass game is beyond me.  If I can do it on my ten year old computer they should be able to do it on a new machine that costs thousands of dollars.

The pizza was pretty good but the crusts were pre made and the onions and green peppers obviously out of a bag.  Not like Papa Johns, where the vegetables are all cut fresh daily.  However, the cheese they used was excellent, and the soup and spaghetti were top notch.  It isn’t often you go to a buffet and the noodles are al dente without being sticky, soggy, or crunchy.  The noodles and sauce were excellent, and the waitress put on a nice fake smile even though she was obviously having a shitty day.  I tipped 15%

Our next stop was the Indian Trading Post, where we bought nothing but I posed for some pictures out front and half inside a Teepee.  They actually had alot of interesting vintage native American memorabilia there, more than at my tribe’s museum even.  We didn’t buy anything.

Next we went down to the strip, and walked up and down looking at the shops and restaurants.

The only attraction we went to was Ripley’s Believe it or Not museum, Amber’s review: “Fucking Gay”.  Of course, that means I enjoyed it.  Lots of cool oddities, art, and torture devices there.  We also took a walk overlooking the river.

It was afternoon and looking like rain, I thought Riverview Park and Waterworld would be a good bet for a fun time with no one there.  We walked through the whole place, I wanted to go down a water slide but we ended up doing nothing there other than playing some skee ball and whack a mole.  I took some pictures, including the ridiculous looking upside down white house across the street.

Then we went to Wal Mart to get Amber some more comfortable summer clothes.  I forgot to get beer, so I picked some out and we went to check out.  Debit card DECLINED.

Apparently its really easy to spend a thousand dollars in 4 days on vacation.  We had no cash, nothing to eat but a couple chips, and not nearly enough gas to get home.  There was literally a few cents left on our credit card so it authorized the pump and we said thanks for the free gas and filled up.  Then Amber returned the clothes she had purchased just minutes prior and we got enough scratch to eat some Burger King.

We decided to make the best out of our bad luck, especially after calling the bank and finding that night 2 of our hotel stay had been put on HOLD (not paid for because our account over drafted) but what could they do?  Throw us out?  Who gives a shit!  Might as well enjoy ourselves.

The hotel had a kids water park and I still had 12 or so Hamms and PBR’s.  I got a buzz going and hit the kiddie slides.  The pool had a basketball hoop and I’m not bad so that was kinda fun, then we headed back to the room and I got drunk in the hot tub again.

On the way back to town today we stopped at a random Papa Johns and told them we wanted employee discount so got a half price pie that we spent the rest of our money on.  Now we’re home and I have not a dollar to my name and don’t work again until Tuesday.  Fuck it, it was worth it!

Camping Trip

June 7, 2008

So its that time of year again, when me and Amber head to the great north woods of Wisconsin and camp at the edge of a lake in a tent with no electricity. The ride up was uneventful, other than the traditional handjob while driving, so we pumped up the tires, added a quart of oil and some coolant and got there in about 3 hours. Upon arrival we realized that our new credit union doesn’t allow us to overdraft our account like the old one did, knowing our checks would be deposited in the morning. Its a good thing we brought some food and beer with us, the only things we forgot were forks and bug spray and we had enough cash to cover that. My mom gave us some cheap freezer burned steaks so I cut those up and fried them over the fire with some sliced potatoes. We didnt have any butter or oil so I roasted them and smothered in BBQ sauce towards the end. While cooking we jumped in the lake to take a piss. Then we ate the food.



After that I played some guitar and settled down to the serious business of watching a fire and getting drunk.

We went down to the pier and tried some fishing, no luck though. Drank some PBR’s, watched the crawdads come out and the sun go down. And fucked, of course.

Day two was considerably colder. We went into town and made sure our checks had been deposited, and then ate at the log cabin diner. Hand sliced fried potatoes, giant omelets of sausage, mushroom and swiss. Good stuff. Then we took a ride to the town of Antigo, where I got a Dave Edmunds LP at a thrift store and cursed the local video game arcade for not being open, as I could see the Ms. Pac Man machine through the window! We picked up some beer, a bottle of Jag, and a buncha groceries.

I cooked some bratwurst and hot dogs and we got hammered. Before bed I cooked a pizza on the fire. It rained and our tent leaked. We listened to Alice Cooper’s radio show.

Woke up today hung over, feeling like shit. Cooked some scrambled eggs and bacon over the fire, packed up our shit and headed for home. On the way I continually BAWKed! in Amber’s face and screamed about CHICKEN, I WANT CHICKEN! CHICKEN FRIED CHICKEN, CHICKEN FRIED, FRIED CHICKEN!!! She almost had a panic attack and told me to shut up for ten miles. Then we found a gas station with a hot rack and I got some broasted chicken.

Finally got home and I took a goddamn shower. Aaaaahhhhh. Its good to be back. I know you all missed me.